Managing unfulfilling friendships

If a friendship is doing more harm than good, it might be time to consider moving on. This can be easier said than done. We’re here to go through some suggestions for approaching these sensitive situations and provide strategies for closing the chapter on certain friendships with minimal stress and pain.

Why healthy friendships matter

Friendships play a key role in our mental health, but did you know they also impact our physical health? According to research reported by the Mayo Clinic, adults with strong social connections face lower risks of health issues such as:

• depression
• high blood pressure, and
• unhealthy weight.

Studies have also shown that healthy friendships can increase lifespan, especially in older adults. 

However, not all friendships are good for us. If a relationship leaves you feeling drained or unhappy, it might be time to reassess its value. Doing so could help you build a healthier social circle that lifts you up.

Recognising when to move on

Sometimes, friendships can become toxic or one-sided. Consider moving on if you always provide support without getting any in return. Here are three signs a friendship might be doing more harm than good:

Lack of support

If your friend often dismisses your feelings or needs, it can leave you feeling isolated. Friendships should be an equal, ‘give and take’ relationship. They may not completely understand you or your situation at times, and that’s fine. What matters is that they see where you’re coming from and support you when needed. After all, that’s what friends are for.

Negative influence

A friend who encourages unhealthy habits can affect your mental and physical well-being. Remember what your parents used to say about avoiding a bad crowd? This carries on into adulthood as well.

Emotional drain

If interactions with these people leave you feeling exhausted or anxious instead of uplifted, it’s worth reflecting on the friendship. Your friends should give you energy, not zap it.

How do I end a friendship with care

If you’ve decided it’s time to move on from a friendship, it’s important to do so kindly and respectfully. Here are some steps to help you through the process:

1. Reflect on your feelings

Before taking action, take some time to understand how you feel about the friendship. Chatting with a trusted friend or mental health professional can help you clarify your thoughts. What’s the point of having emotions if you can’t speak about them?

Journalling for your mental health and wellness can also be a great way to get things off your chest. Plus, there’s the added benefit of it being a cathartic process for you and only you.

2. Choose the right time and place 

When you’re ready for the conversation, find a private and comfortable setting where you can talk openly without distractions. Avoid locations where you have shared history – like a favourite café – as this can cause more pain for both of you. Be sure there is a location where you and come and go as you please – somewhere that is easy for you both to leave if needed.

3. Be truthful but also kind

Share your feelings honestly while being considerate of their emotions. You might say, “I appreciate the time we’ve spent together, but I feel our friendship isn’t healthy for me anymore.”

4. Set boundaries 

If you want to keep some level of contact, be clear about your boundaries moving forward. This can help both sides know what to expect.

5. Allow for healing

Ending a friendship can be emotional for both of you. Give yourself time to process the change and seek support from other friends or family during this transition.

Also, remember to be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to be frustrated, perhaps even angry, at the situation's complexity. When you’re alone, it may even help to say out loud, “I’m angry! I’m upset!”

Then, breathe.

Collect yourself and your thoughts, and be kind to yourself.

Stay open to new connections

No matter what, you must prioritise your well-being. Surrounding yourself with positive people and good vibes can lead to healthier relationships that enhance your life.

By recognising when it’s time to move on and handling these situations with care, you can create a more fulfilling social circle that contributes positively to your mental health and overall happiness.

At Virgin Active, we encourage our members to build supportive communities – both at our locations and beyond the club – because everyone deserves uplifting friendships.

Finally, speaking to a professional from one of Australia's many great mental health services may be worthwhile. There are numerous free resources available, such as Lifeline Australia, Beyond Blue, and headspace.